Growing Through Pain | god tv news

A year ago today, my life changed. I went through so many different emotions. I was sad, upset, frustrated, hurt, upset and many other emotions. I cried, laughed, cried, worked, cried, and then I cried again. Did I mention I cried? I will come back to that in a moment.

I had never experienced so many changes at one point in my life. My environment, my status, my location – everything – has changed. But I didn’t know that change would be the thing that would heal me. The change became my teacher and revealed a version of me I never knew existed. We have no control over most of the unfortunate situations that happen to us, but we have a choice in how we react. We can bend under pressure, or we can rise. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes bending and bending is necessary. I bent and twisted so much I thought I was a pretzel or car wash air dummy shaking randomly in every direction the wind took me. However, I decided to let folding and bending reposition me for the better! And so, I got up.

I have always seen myself as a strong person. You must have been from where I grew up (thanks to Deepside Ft. Lauderdale). There were many scary times in my life, so I became tough and rarely showed emotion and weakness. Every time I had a loving moment with a friend that made me feel special, I would say, “You know I’m a thug, don’t make me cry!” And that was because at that time, I thought it was a weakness to be vulnerable. During my journey as a social worker, I realized how my need to survive had hardened many parts of me. So over the past year, I’ve spent a lot of time leaning into my emotions and really tapping into the *what* and the *why*. Anything that is ignored cannot heal.

I’m here to tell you that vulnerability is the greatest gift you can give yourself. I learned that I deserve healing, peace, restoration, wholeness, and all the good I can handle (and more!). The only way for me to receive anything new is to be willing to let go of anything old, no matter how painful or sentimental. You cannot receive anything new into your hands if your hands are full. You cannot pour into others if your well has dried up. And while I feel like I’ve had more tears than I thought possible, I’ve also learned that I have more strength and love than I ever imagined.

This trip was possible thanks to the people of my village. You know who you are. Thank you for the endless calls, texts, late night sessions, and taking care of my darkness. Thank you for the recordings, the tough love, the gentle nudges, the affirmations and the reminders. You all helped me realize that I had gained so much at a time when I thought I had lost everything. I am so grateful that God has you in my life.

So, kudos to you if you’ve made it this far. I’m generally a private person and don’t often share personal details of my life. However, I wanted to invite you on the healing journey because I wanted to be different in a world where we hide our true selves so much. And I selfishly want this to appear on my timeline in a year! As a social worker, I talk to people daily about living in their truth and being comfortable with the stories that make their stories beautiful. And mine is no different. I also want others to know that *we* (you and I) can do hard things. Sometimes, in the face of our greatest challenge, we wonder if and how we will make it through to the other side. I had no plan or guide on how to heal, so I took it one day at a time. And if I’m being honest, it was minute by minute some days.

As the saying goes, I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I am excited about my future and what God has in store for me. It has already given me some insights. I pray that your heart will be encouraged no matter what you are going through. Even if it feels like it’s going to wipe you out, know that you’re much more powerful than you think. And even if your voice shakes, speak your truth until you recover.

As a bonus, I wanted to share some encouragement/reminders I received along the way. May they bless you and be a balm in your moments of need or of reflection.

1. “If it was like that, you wouldn’t have left. Your expectations should be what they show you, not what they say. (paraphrased) – TCJ

2. “You can trust yourself.” –JS

3. “Being in the process is a form of progress.” -CJA Prophetess

4. “Don’t harden yourself because if you hold back parts of yourself, the love you give will be perverted because it’s not the purest version of yourself.” -Apostle KA

5. “You can make the right decision and still mourn the loss that comes with that decision.” -TIC Tac

6. “You deserve everything, so don’t accept anything.” I’m proud of you. You have endured the most difficult season of your life with dignity and grace. mom

7. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

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